Restaraunt review; Kathy's

   On a whim, I went to Kathy's Diner today for breakfast. I just got out of work, I was hungry and wanted diner food for some reason. Well....the reason is because I love shitty food, and will be laying on my death bed someday wishing I had the 30 more years of life that I'd probably have had, had I not loved shitty diner food so much.

   Anyway, 12 hours later, Im still regretting it.

   As much as I love diner food., I love coffee even more. And I wasnt able to drink an entire coffee all day because of what the food is doing to my stomach and all regions south of my neck. Ive had brutal heartburn and my stomach has been doing some gymnastics that would make Cirque de Soleil cry since my last bite.

   I bought a latte, in vain hopes that that would settle my stomach because in my magical world, somehow a cup full of dairy and caffeine settles your stomach and unicorns deliver pizza. The latte was delicious, dont get me wrong. But my stomach wasnt having it....literally. It didnt make me feel any better. It just made me really sad. Really sad, and really nervous.

    So my review of Kathy's is as follows.

    I ordered a short stack of banana pancakes, corned beef hash and homefries. A standard order of breakfast.

    The nice lady took my order, asked if I wanted coffee to which I politely declined because Im a coffee snob, and went about cooking my breakfast. Im sort of glad that she didnt offer, or bring me water because Im afraid it may have also added to the queasiness. All I know, they truck the water in from Mexico.

    The breakfast reminded me of my childhood (When I was ten, I attempted to make my own breakfast with disastrous results.)
     Pancakes medium raw, canned beef hash crusty and dry as dust, and homefries that tasted like they were grown in the fridge and never saw the light of day until they looked up at me, begging for the end. No salt added, except, apparently, to the hash, which wouldve been overly salty straight outta the industrial sized bucket they probably scooped it from. Think the roads in winter, and add a generous pinch for good measure. Remember when Bender made everyone dinner on Futurama?
    The breakfast as a whole was very flavourful, but Im not sure if the flavour came from the food that I was eating or from the food that the last person ate off my plate. If I looked closely enough, I couldve deduced the contents of their meal as well.

    So, I give Kathy's breakfast, this morning, 4 stars. Not so much for the food, but for the not so gentle reminder why the human/American race is doomed to a bloated extinction.

    Im the first to admit that I ignore the fact that if I were a transported back in time, to caveman times, Id die instantly either from being sacrificed to the gods if they did that, or used as bait. Because Id be otherwise useless to my clan, what with me always crying that corned beef hasnt been invented yet, the food tastes weird....like...food..., and complaining that the lattes in this place suck.

    Id try to secure leadership over them with my cunning and wit, but would soon find myself skull-bashed and roasting on a spit because I dont have it where it counts. In other words,"What? I cant order that buffalo "nacho supreme?", I'll wait here. You guys go out and have your fun. I'll entertain the ladies."

    BASH.